BRB

Well, long time no talk. Anyone who knows me in real life knows that for the last couple of months I have been busier than a cat trying to cover up turds on a concrete floor (just picture that for a minute and you’ll get the drift). Like epic busy. I’ll write more details in a future post sooner rather than later, but suffice it to say that I’ve been multitasking like my life depends on it:

• I run a dog kennel, which requires many multi-mile walks. And poop. Holy Shit the poop.
• I am a MOE…Manager of Emotions. There have been a lot of them around starting a new school and making new friends. That doesn’t even touch on my regular management of John’s emotions. My own? Well, they just get shoved to the bottom until they surface in an ill-timed fit of rage.
• I am a master packer of boxes and UN-packer of boxes. Don’t get near me when I am wielding my box cutter. It can get dangerous.
• I am an assistant home builder and landscaper. Who knew?
• I am a master scheduler of three people who need to be in different places at the same time. I’m currently thinking of doing what every parent secretly considers: hiring an Uber for the after-school shuffle.
• On that note, I am chauffeur for a young man working his ass off to make the varsity tennis team.
• I am a grocery getter, laundry doer, and general whipping boy.
• I am a personal wardrobe stylist for the little lady. Yesterday she asked for “two choices and make them both cute.” After we chose just the right look for FIRST GRADE, she suggested I post it to Instagram.
• I am the school lunch lady. All of the sudden the spicy chicken sandwich on the hot lunch menu is no good. Goldfish and grapes for 4 days straight and that chicken sandwich will seem gourmet again.
• I am a foreign diplomat and hostage negotiator among the children. The girls can both go from sweet as pie to Defcon level 1 at the flip of a switch. Trust me when I say, you do not want to be on the receiving end of that.

Lest you think I am complaining about my chosen job as Manager of Chaos of this joint, I am not. It’s just simply an explanation/excuse for why there have been no words here as of late. To be fair, there hasn’t been time for these things either:

• I haven’t shaved my legs in 2 weeks.
• My wrinkles are growing wrinkles. Botox? Hahaha. I haven’t even washed my face in the month of September.
• I haven’t seen the inside of a gym in 6+ months.
• My eyebrows look like dueling caterpillars.
• I just keep painting over the same color on my toenails to create the facade of a fresh pedicure.
• Febreeze is my go-to for “washing” my favorite white t-shirt. It goes with everything and who has time to plan cute outfits?

All of this to say that I’m working to get my groove back and will be back at ya’ soon!!!