Lockdown…still

Does anyone know what day it is? Seems like Groundhog Day around here…wake up, wander around the house, eat, have cocktails, eat again, switch to wine, read some homeschool emails, have snacks, go outdoors, look at Facebook, read a book. Then it’s noon and the afternoon schedule begins.

We just finished WEEK 2 of lockdown and I thought I’d better update everyone on the happenings in our household, lest you were concerned about John’s well-being, what with all of the bossing he’s been doing. I’m happy to report that he’s still with us, but he IS on notice.

Here is what’s been going down around here in bullet point format, because with all of this homeschooling, proper sentences and structure are more than I can handle.

**Speaking of homeschool, the MOST important lesson of the week was that the children MUST brush their teeth before we start. Remember back in elementary school when your teacher had about 30 cups of strong black coffee and then leaned in to talk to you in close proximity? It’s worse than that.

**Out of necessity and boredom, I cleaned the house. We’re talking HAZMAT level cleaning, complete with rubber gloves and protective eyewear. Do you have any idea how much filth is created by 5 people and 3 dogs? Just the toilets alone were enough to make me want to light the place on fire and start over.

**We played a game called Mystery Leftovers several times this week because there were so many Tupperware full of food, they would fall out when you opened the refrigerator. It was like our own version of Chopped. What can I make for lunch using bean sprouts, Nutella and some questionable smelling lunch meat? “Mom, are these beans?” “Yes, as far as you know…now hush and eat your ‘casserole’.”

** Back to homeschool… Reese was supposed to start her lesson in Human Growth and Development this week in class, complete with diagrams and videos. For entertainment, I turned this one over to John. He came up with some great visual aids, especially since PornHub made all premium content free during quarantine.

**I almost ended the week with one fewer children. During a heated, but not-so-competitive tennis match, my teenager said “I feel like you should practice your speed work, so you can get to the net faster.” What a genius! He’s for sale to the highest bidder. Be warned, he is very opinionated and does NOT do laundry. Maybe first bidder is a better option.

**Since we’re on the subject of exercise, John told me that even though we’ve logged 29 miles this week walking our dogs, he gained 4 pounds. I would laugh, but I have to be honest about my own level of “fitness” at this point. Today’s laundry was full of workout clothes, yet there were zero workouts done. It’s pretty well documented that I suck at exercising at home, even though I’ve made several attempts: Bowflex (circa 2005), treadmill (2010) sets of weights and resistance bands (2007, 2014, 2017). I read last week that during this time of quarantine, you’re supposed to put your jeans on every few days to make sure they still fit. First of all, who is wearing jeans? Secondly, I just don’t need that kind of negativity in my life.

Until next week, stay sane. Oh, and stay home!!!