Housewife Attention Deficit Disorder. Is that a thing? If it isn’t an official diagnosis, it should be. And further, it should be treated by changing into sweatpants, pouring a glass of wine, and watching Netflix. Just call it a day.
I’m not intending to make fun of anyone who actually suffers from such an ailment, but for goodness sake I am easily distracted these days. I used to pride myself on being a master multi-tasker, but lately I can’t even seem to do one thing at a time, let alone multiple things. Want to know why I haven’t written anything on this blog in a while? I sit down with all of these ideas in my head and then “Hey, have you guys seen that lady on Instagram who organizes her pantry, then shops for cute clothes at American Eagle, and then plays with her puppy?” What’s happening with the impeachment trial? Or I wonder what sort of arguments everyone is in on Facebook?
See what happens there?
Maybe it’s a normal part of aging. Or maybe it’s this stage of life and the number of things the people in my life have going on, but my ability to actually get things done lately is poor at best. This is true especially when I am at home, which is much of the time.
Here’s how it usually goes down:
Things start out normally enough…unloading the dishwasher. I’m putting away the silverware and notice that the drawer needs cleaned out. I go out to the garage to get the Dyson and see that my washing machine is finished, so I stop to put the clothes in the dryer. In come my dogs because it’s where I keep the treats, and I am forced to give them several. Ten minutes goes by as I get down on the floor to scratch and pet them.
BACK ON TRACK…what was I doing again? Ahhhhh yes, the laundry. Uh oh! Look at Reese’s gigantic oversized sweatshirt that I’ve turned pink in the wash. She’s going to be devastated. I’d better see if I can order a new one, just in case.
I sit down at the computer to search on H&M, and notice I have an email from Nextdoor where my neighbors are fighting about snow shoveling. Down the rabbit hole I go, complete with searching where these lunatics live on Google Maps. An hour later, I remember that I’m supposed to be doing the laundry. But, now it’s been sitting there for several hours and the clothes in the dryer are wrinkled. I’d better tumble them for 30 minutes to freshen them up.
In the meantime, I’ll get back to….what was it? Something in the kitchen. I walk in there and decide I’d better have something to eat. I open the fridge and look for something full of fat, since my fat ass is currently in the middle of a keto diet cycle. What’s that smell? I look in the produce drawer and find liquefied mushrooms. How old are these? Better clean out the drawer and throw away everything in there. While I’m at it, I’d better clean the rest of the refrigerator. You know, I think I’ll take a minute and hard boil some of these eggs in the Instant Pot. Gosh, I sure am hungry…is it almost lunchtime? Oh shit! I have to volunteer at school in 45 minutes. I’d better get in the shower. Off I go….
I come out freshly showered and dressed to eggs combusting in the pressure cooker. Damn it. Now the whole house stinks. I’d better light some candles. But first something to eat because I have to leave in 15 minutes. While my lunch is heating in the microwave, I’ll just put these breakfast dishes in the dishwasher. Ok, off to school….these kids aren’t going to teach themselves.
Back home a few hours later, only to realize that I loaded the dishes in with the clean silverware I’d been unloading in the first place. And those clothes are still in the dryer.
See why I can’t get anything done? Number of items on today’s To Do list that were crossed off? Big Fat ZERO.
I know I’m not alone because my sweet sister-in-law tagged me in this Facebook post. The title of this post may not make sense to most, but it will to her…she gets me.
