Have you ever wondered how you can guarantee that your kid will get the stomach flu? (A strange question I know. Who would want to guarantee such a thing.)
I’ll give you a hint…the odds have NOTHING to do with how many filthy surfaces your children have licked or how many of their friends have it. The sure thing comes when your child drinks red Gatorade or cherry limeade ICE drink. Or eats a gigantic bag of Twizzlers (am I right, Jodi?) Your kid had chicken and dumplings or plain white rice for dinner? Not gonna happen. On the flip side, feed them tomato bisque or anything with beets….your carpet is taking a beating. On that note, why is it that kids are incapable of making it to the toilet when they throw up? There’s nothing that challenges your grit as a mom quite like picking up chunks off your carpet in the middle of the night and finishing just in time to hold a bucket while your child dry heaves. Sort of reminds me of a few nights in college….
Anyway, our house is recovering from just such an occasion. I can’t actually fault poor Reese for her carpet-destroying antics. She’d been feeling poorly all afternoon, and in one of our finer parenting moments, John and I thought it best to give her a dose of Benadryl and send her off for a night of healing slumber. Yeah. Benadryl. Comatose. No bueno.
Fast forward a couple of days. The morning after a martini-fueled golf league, guess who tells me he has the stomach flu? Clue: It wasn’t Jackson. Yup, the moment all wives dread was upon us. Hubby had the “worst stomach flu that has ever existed.” He declared that he was “surely going to die.” So I did what any caring partner does in this situation…I got the hell out of Dodge for the day.
Hours later, I returned home to the strangest sight. A sink full of dishes. Empty Cup-O-Noodles containers on the counter. Shortly thereafter, I whipped up a box of mac n’ cheese for the young man, and my dying patient declared that he would also like a big heaping bowlful. Now, I don’t know about you, but when I have the stomach flu, the LAST thing I want to do is eat. This particular ailment the hubby was experiencing was reminiscent of first-trimester pregnancy. You know the time, when you feel absolutely awful and like you could vomit at any minute, but yet you want to eat ALL.THE.FOOD.
Based on this and by my very scientific calculations, John and I should be having our 4th child just after the first of the year. We are thrilled!! Also, we are registered at Home Depot and Buffalo Wild Wings. Thanks in advance.
You are so funny.
Congratulations I think😜😍😄